If I had a cow who gave such milk

I'd dress her in the finest silk

I'd bed her in the sweetest hay

And I'd milk her 40 times a day.

NY $$$, but not enough $$$ to wash the SUV.

Found in the bike lane -- was someone texting?

It's your funeral!

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

MADE IN CHINA

It's on everything from poisoned baby formula to poisoned dog food. This is a keychain koala, wearing a jacket that bears the legend, "I [heart] Australia." Underneath is the little sticker, "MADE IN CHINA."

Every day on tours of Midtown Manhattan I drive my American-made rickshaw past the Milliners' Synagogue on Sixth Avenue (milliners are hatmakers). The Synagogue is on its last legs; they don't have a minyan to open the day anymore. While passing, I take off my official Central Park Conservancy cap, letting the passengers see the MADE IN CHINA label on the inner brim.

Even this NYC civic association dedicated to local preservation and conservation, in a city of clothing designers, sends off to China for hats rather than have a local company produce them.

Why warn people not to do the impossible?

Yeah, safety matters, but a door without a doorknob ain't gonna be opened from this side.

"You can run with the big dogs, or you can stay on the..."

It's hard to believe that, once one letter went dark, they would let it go until another letter failed. But the most fun signs are the ones in which letters fail, so that they spell something different with missing letters. In 1999, COVE ANT HOUSE was written on a building, from which an N was missing (Covenant House, later the Maritime Hotel).

And the 300-foot-high neon ESSEX HOUSE sign over the signature hotel of the same name got headlines in 1997 when a short circuit darkened the first two letters, leaving a sign reading

SEX

HOUSE

visible to millions of residents living north of Midtown Manhattan.

And I don't even want to describe what "Joe's Cocktails" looked like with the letter T missing.

What do Shriners burn?